I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
