I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i barfeds in our rink
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
