Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I want a musical about memes.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
