How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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