In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you had me at cake vodka
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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