I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
