And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
