She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
