Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
