are you so shy because you have an std?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
