she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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