yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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