i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
