nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
