I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
