I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
