I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
