i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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