my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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