People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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