i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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