i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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