Christians are straight up FREAKS
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
