Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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