my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
