Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize