i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
