we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
