Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
