apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
