Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
