Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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