Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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