I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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