porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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