Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
