if you like me you must not know who I am
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just want nice things and good sex
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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