He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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