Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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