And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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