I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
