i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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