I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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