I bet he comes in French.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
