you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
