I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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