thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
