do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
