Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
