Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
