totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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