We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Less talking, more tequila
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
