If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
