I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
