He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
