just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize