So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
