Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
