I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sober January is a disaster.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
