ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
