let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize