just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Less talking, more tequila
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
