i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
