she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
