So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just had sex on a roof
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
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