This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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