I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize