Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
