i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
