the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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