dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
