I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
