Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
